Mum Guilt

Do you ever feel complete anguish as you get your child ready in the morning rushing them out the door, dragging them to childcare as they cry and cling on to you and you feel like you are THE WORST parent in the world?

OR

you stay at home all day with your child, feeding them all day, entertaining them all day, not getting any housework done, not earning any money, not getting any life admin done (that’s like paying bills, organising insurances or making dentist appointments) and you feel GUILTY because you are not working and contributing to the family?

Yes! Of course, you have felt this guilt… because you are a parent.

But you are not alone…

I believe we all feel this way at some stage. Sometimes we can feel this for years. Having a child is so rewarding and yet it changes our plans, changes our views on things, changes our relationships, changes our priorities, changes our everything!

Today, I want you to know that you are not alone. I want you to know that it is okay to not feel like you are doing the RIGHT thing all the time. I want you to know that it is ‘normal’ to feel guilty as a parent.

But, there is the good part. There is something you can do about it.

I have 3 top tips for overcoming the dreaded GUILT!

1) Accept the guilt. It is there, it is going to come and go and each time it creeps in, I want you to notice it and even acknowledge that it is there to help you reflect on your current situation and your values as a loving parent to your child.

2) Think about your current situation and what the guilt has you questioning. For example, if you are working and you have a young child, think about why you are working? Is it purely because you need the money to survive, is it because you know you will go bonkers being at home with a baby everyday (it is totally fine to feel this way by the way!), or are you working because your employer said you have to… Whichever one is your why, think on it and decide if your why is necessary or truly consider if there is another way that suits your values better. Maybe your employer would let you do less days or less hours if you wish to be at home more. Maybe you and your partner could survive one more year without your income so that you can be at home a little longer with your child. Maybe you do prefer to work and that is fine too. Maybe if you like working but feel guilty about not being with your child all the time, you could outsource some other things like house cleaning, garden maintenance, or do online food shopping so that you can spend more quality time with your child on your days off.

3) Focus on Quality over Quantity – if you feel guilty because you are working, make a conscious decision to truly be present with your child/family when you are not working. If you do stay at home longer with your child and you are not earning money, create ways to feel like you are contributing in other ways. Preparing delicious and healthy meals for the family, keeping your home organised and uncluttered, ensuring that when you are at home with your child, that you schedule in outings and experiences that are engaging for your child to learn and socialise with others and develop routines so that you don’t feel stuck within your four walls all the time. Think about this period in your life as a chance to create memories, create a stable and supportive structure in your family as it is just a period of time, it is not forever.

Ok, so let’s re-cap the important parts of this blog;

· Guilt will always creep in especially for new mums! Accept it.

· Give yourself time to think about your situation and WHY you are feeling the guilt. Consider whether you need to change your situation or whether you need to stand firm on your decision and tackle your guilt with confidence! E.g., “Even though I feel guilty about working and putting my child into care, I LOVE my job, I value the time I spend around other adults and contributing to my family’s future, plus I appreciate the time I spend with my child on my days off.

· Remember to think about QUALITY over QUANTITY. We all wish for more time, more money, more fun. You have all that you need. Make the most of the time you do have with your child. Make the most of the money that you do earn. Do things that make you happy and enjoy life with your family.

Let’s live a life of quality not quantity. Don’t stress over wanting more, instead make the most of what you have. Accept the guilt, own your decisions and enjoy quality interactions with your child. It is what they will remember. Your time, your smile, your confidence in yourself and your decisions.